Phoenix of the Wolfe: Rise- Preface / Part 1


A couple of months ago I started toying with the idea of relocating away from Austin.  Wait, that’s a lie.  I’ve wanted to move for something like 3 years now.  But it wasn’t until last year that I started mentally preparing for action rather than just spouting off a bunch of empty words.  I have also decided to chronicle this little adventure, because knowing my own mind, there’s gonna be some comical and no doubt politically incorrect nonsense happening on this journey.  It’ll probably be about 10% censored, and 90% raw, ‘cause , well, let’s face it, raw truth is funnier than trying to make every single person on the planet happy with whatever endeavor one chooses to embark on.  So don’t take anything you read here to heart. But if you do, feel free to Google a basket of puppies and try to forget about whatever it was that got your cereal soggy.  K? OK.

It all started sometime in March 2016.  I moved into a new apartment since my roommate was moving back to her hometown.  Fresh start back into the solo apartment life for me.  Except for the money part, I was cool with that.  Besides, I’m sure my ex roommate was happy not to have the “Clean Kitchen Nazi” constantly getting on her shit about keeping the kitchen clean anyway.  In all fairness, I did give fair warning ahead of time that I like to keep my kitchen spotless and would bitch about it if any roommate didn’t follow suit.  Must have thought I was joking…  Hehe, I got sooo many death looks coupled with the occasional “go f*** yourself!”  Wish I had my camera.  Seriously thought she’d try to kill me in my sleep over it one day.

So I moved in to my new place.  As soon as I walk in on move in day, I swear this was the universe putting shit in motion.  I say this because NONE of the maintenance items –this list was a lot of annoying things, but not deal breakers—I pointed out on my pre-inspection were addressed.  This was even after my 3rd call checking with the office to confirm things were in order a week before I moved in, so they didn’t have to be working around my crap after the fact.  They finally started to address the issues as I was moving my stuff in.

Then there was the issue of the strongest scent of curry forever wafting throughout both hallways and entrances into my damn building. This in itself would have seriously ticked off my nose enough to cancel the lease contract, but the place was the most cost effective one in the area (or so I thought) at the time.  I just partially held my breath every time I’d head into my place to avoid the stench, not to mention the sneezing.  Don’t know why, but too much curry scent makes me sneeze as well.  As much as I’m unbiased about dating a chica because of race, I probably couldn’t date an East Indian babe if she’s into the traditional cooking side of things.  I don’t think the sneezing would work out too well for either of us…

Finally having everything fixed up, the apartment actually was not so bad.  Things were cruising along just peachy until a new neighbor moved in 6 months into my stay there.  And then the real fun started.  “Sliiiiiide, Kachunk!. Sliiiiiide, SLAM!  BAM! Thump thump, kabooom!”  *glass shatter, dog bark*.  Wait 30 minutes and repeat.  Sounded like WWIV, the Dog Demolition Edition down there! This shit was going on for about 3 months straight, so this was about the time I started looking for my damn lease contract to check out the fine print…    After one final SLAM that sent a chunk of something in the crawlspace above me skittering across the ceiling, I finally decided to put that relocation plan in motion…